Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
