Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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