Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
