Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
