I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
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we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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