peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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