Do vagina's smell?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
