Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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