The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
