He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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