garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
