wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
