I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
