so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
smell my finger.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
