I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I could fuck to npr.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
