So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
