I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
