Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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