she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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