Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
