it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
