So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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