You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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