Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
