Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
