Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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