in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
