Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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