He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
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Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
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Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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