I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I have post one night stand depression
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