seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Be still, my beating vagina.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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