Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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