ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
