Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
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i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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