Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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