Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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