can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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