where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize