There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
