fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
