marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
