his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And then my night got REAL pukey
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
