i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
