The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
