Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
