Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
