just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
