I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
