I'm so fucking centered right now
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign