maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
