Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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