just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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