he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize