I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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