If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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