That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
