Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
