all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
