Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
