how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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