I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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