Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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