you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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