the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
