New low: just hacked my moms facebook
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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