I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
should my penis look like a turkey
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
