I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize