i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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