Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I pour the whiskey from now on
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
