he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
