I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
