goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
