and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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