He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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