Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
